Wednesday 19 March 2014

Writing draft 2

W.A.L.T To entertain
Caving
There was a dim glow in the gaping black hole that was waiting to sallow me up. Glow worms swarmed the walls. I knew that If I was too loud they would tun of there light. I dragged my feet across the damp ground. The cave was as black as the night sky.

 I heard a sound up on the roof. What is it? I thought. I (looked) stared at the roof and saw 5 cave wetas looking down at me. As I passed them I came arcoss a small lake and saw the water  bubbling and swrling. Is that a fish I wondered. There in the water was a fresh water crayfish. It seemed to stare at me for a second but when I pointed my torch at it slithered away behind a rock.

Learnings partner's comment
Feedback I like the way you have listened to my feed foward because you have talked about what you did to the crafish.
Feedfoward next time you need you could add more similes.

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